Charming
by fender24
Summary: What happens when Cuddy takes two very representatives on a tour of Princeton-Plainsboro and meet Dr. House? House/Cuddy oneshot.


**Hey everyone! This is my second fic, a House/Cuddy oneshot I wrote a few months ago. I'm not very medicine savvy, so I'm not sure how accurate all the medical issues are, so my apologies for that. Anyway, enjoy! Reviews are very appreciated!**

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Today was doomed to be a challenging day for Lisa Cuddy right from the start. Representatives from a local bank were considering a fairly generous donation to Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, and they were visiting today. Cuddy, as the admirable Dean of Medicine, was appointed to be their tour guide of the hospital along with being indirectly instructed to accommodate their every need. The hospital CEO didn't need to stress the importance of this potential donation to Cuddy. She was prepared to show off her hospital in hopes of impressing the bank representatives. The Dean had every intention of succeeding; PPTH was the ideal hospital. The reps would have a hard time finding the negatives.

There was only one thing that could present itself as a possible- well, probable- problem. His name was Gregory House. She'd taken a few precautionary steps to ensure that he wouldn't be able meander his way into today's situation. Cuddy didn't have a very strong faith stored into said steps, but it was better than approaching today without any game plan at all.

[H] [H] [H] [H] [H] [H]

Greg House was pacing his office, listening to his team present four different potential cases to him. There was a twenty-three year old showing signs of liver failure...nothing too terribly remarkable in House's book. A stricken elderly man stumbled into the emergency room complaining of joint pain...it was more than likely just a case of a gout flare up.

He felt as if his time were being wasted by all four of them.

"None of these cases are even remotely interesting," House remarked. He stopped pacing and looked at each of them, waiting expectantly for an answer.

Thirteen was the first to speak. She shrugged lightly and tossed her case file onto the table, "Well, we were kind of desperate."

"Desperate?" House asked, incredulously. "For what?"

Chase sighed and stared at the table, "Cuddy told us about the bank representatives and demanded that we find an interesting case to keep you busy all day."

"So all four of you found equally uninteresting ones?" House remarked, not surprised at his boss's meddling.

"It was either that, or face the wrath of Cuddy," Taub chimed in before taking a long sip of his coffee.

"Happens to me all the time," House assured him. "Just stare at her boobs. It'll make her think you're listening while you're actually fantasizing. Win-win."

Foreman rolled his eyes, and spoke, attempting to take some form of responsibility in a clearly irresponsible situation, "The object here was to find a case."

"No," House interjected. "The object was to keep me distracted, which you all obviously suck at."

"We could check again," Taub offered.

"That _would_ be the logical thing to do, wouldn't it? Because right now, we don't have a case which means that I'm not distracted, which means you didn't do what the Dean of Medicine told you to do...which ultimately mean that I'm walking out the door...need I say more?"

And with that, House proceeded to hobble out the door, a genuine smirk gracing his lips.

He was halfway to the elevator when he heard a familiar voice shoot across the hallway, "Dr. House!"

House didn't stop walking, "Dr. Wilson! Trying to stop me from going to the first floor?"

Wilson quickly formulated an answer, "No, I mean, well, no I'm not actually. I need your opinion."

Without even turning around, House answered, "Your tie doesn't match your shirt, and whoever she is: I'm sure she's wonderful, lonely, and a sap just like you."

"I was talking about a patient," Wilson added.

House stopped, pressed the button on the elevator with his cane, and turned around to face his friend. "You're seeing a patient of yours?" He asked. "Do they know you're a _cancer_ doctor?"

"No, it's not about a woman."

House's eyes widened with mock surprise, "Oh, so you're gay now too? Sorry, but unless you magically grow a vagina, I'm not interested. And even then, that's pushing it."

Clearly fed up, Wilson spat, "House, damnit! I need a consult about one of my patients."

"You're the oncologist. They either have cancer or they don't. What do you expect from me?"

"Would you just hear me out and look at the scans?"

House sighed, "Where are they?"

"My office."

"Well," House began with a shrug. "I'm going downstairs...You think radiology will have an extra copy I can grab while I'm down there?"

Wilson shook his head, "That...that's not necessary, House. I have a definite copy in my office; no point in going to radiology."

House gestured to the elevator, "But I'm going downstairs...oh," He paused, feigning surprise. "Wait. I know what this is about."

"You do?" Wilson asked, shifting nervously.

"Of course I do, you moron. Cuddy told you to put me on a leash because she knew at the time of her request that my little darling team wouldn't be up to the task..." He motioned towards his office and rolled his eyes. "Which they weren't, as if that wasn't obvious."

Wilson sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "House, this is a huge day for the hospital. Cuddy just wants to make sure nothing goes wrong."

"Like _I_ would make something go wrong. Am I really that much of an ass?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. Well then I'll be extra careful to avoid screwing things up." With that, the elevator door opened and House limped inside. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going downstairs."

Wilson took a step forward and pleaded, "House..."

"Oh wait, you still need that patient consult?"

"The patient doesn't exist..." Wilson admitted.

"Well, duh. I might be an ass, but I'm not an idiot."

The elevator door closed.

[H] [H] [H] [H] [H] [H]

Lisa Cuddy was almost convinced she had the bank reps sold from the moment they strode through the door. She hadn't even covered half of the hospital, but she was confident in her hospital.

She motioned to the cafeteria, "Through there we have the cafeteria, home to some of the finest lunches a hospital can offer. We offer a variety of-"

"Dr. Cuddy!"

His voice shot through the air like a bullet. She immediately tensed, silently cursed herself, and turned to face Gregory House who was quickly limping towards her.

She tried to play it off. "Dr. House, what brings you down here? I thought you had a case." She looked up at him with a gleam of rage in her eyes.

"Potty break," He confirmed.

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, "Can I help you with something?"

House looked her over once, "You look a little stressed. Maybe _I'm_ the one who should be helping _you._"

Cuddy turned her attention to the representatives and addressed them, "Please, do excuse Dr. House. He's the head of our diagnostic department and he was just heading back to his office." She attempted to send him along his way, but he attempt was in vain.

The dark haired representative immediately became interested, "Diagnostics? Interesting. Will you show us your diagnostics department?"

Cuddy mentally groaned, "You know, I'm sure we'll get there. First, let's take a visit to the clinic." She turned to House then back to them, "If you'll excuse me for a moment." She grabbed House by the arm and pulled him away then lit him up, "House, I don't know what the hell you're doing, but cut it out. What about your case? Shouldn't you have one by now?"

"Sorry, my team failed your little request. So did Wilson...evidence by my standing here."

"Well, could you possibly not stand there?"

House shifted a little to his left, "How about here?"

"House," Cuddy sighed, folding her arms across her chest.

"Oh come on," He pleaded. "They're interested in my department."

"Yes, and they're in _my _hospital."

"At least introduce me properly."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes then relaxed her posture, defeated. "Not now," She told him. "Go back upstairs, and when the time comes...maybe. Right now, I've got to hold their interest in the hospital."

House smirked down at her, "Might wanna start by wiping that sexy scowl off your face. They might think you're trying to get them to sleep with you instead of donating to the hospital. Or maybe it's a two for one deal? Bang for _their_ buck? God, you _are_ one smart-"

"Okay," She cut him off, taking hold of his arm again and forcing him farther away from the men. "You, turn around and go hobble back to your cave. I can handle it."

"That's what you eyes say, but what do your boobs tell us?"

Cuddy pointed to the elevator. "Go," She commanded. "Now."

[H] [H] [H] [H] [H] [H]

Finally, the dreaded moment was upon Lisa Cuddy as she led the bank representatives towards House's office. She almost felt like dropping to her knees and praying for House to hold his tongue for a few minutes.

Those few minutes could make or break everything.

Putting her brave face on, she confidently addressed the men, "And in here we have our...diagnostics department..." She paused as she looked into the extension of House's office. At least twenty people were lined up inside. "Excuse me for one second." Stiffening, she marched into his office and stood a mere two inches from him. Her eyes were on fire. "What the _hell_ is going on in here?"

House shrugged, eyeing her as if she should know better, "We don't have a case; I had to keep them entertained somehow."

Each team member was attending to a different patient.

"By turning my hospital into a play pen for doctors? That's what we have a clinic for!"

"You didn't want us downstairs," House stated simply.

"_No," _Cuddy began, her voice growing louder. "I didn't want _you_ downstairs. I never said anything about your team."

"Where I go, they go. Where they go, I _might_ go."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and pointed to the twenty patients crowding House's office, "Get them out of here. It's time to meet the bank reps." With that, she turned and returned to the hallway, trying desperately not to look as stressed as she felt. "Sorry, Dr. House and his team were...experimenting."

House limped out into the hallway and stood beside a fuming Lisa Cuddy.

Nervously, she introduced him, "Dr. House, this is Joseph Freyman and David Austin. Joseph and David, this is Dr. House, head of diagnostics."

"Ah, yes," House addressed them, wearing a dignified smile on his face. "We had a brief meeting earlier. Welcome to diagnostics."

He was being polite, but Cuddy could see right through him. Given the right opportunity, she knew he would let his fangs show.

Joseph spoke up and questioned him, "What is it like in this department?"

House rested both of his hands on his cane and began, "Well, when you're about to kick the bucket and no one knows why, you're sent here and my fine team and I figure out what's wrong, then save the day."

"Interesting," David said. "Can we meet your team?"

House nodded slowly, "...sure." He turned to face the door of his office and yelled, "Darlings? We've got company." When the four of them filed outside the office, House introduced them, "Meet Foreman, Chase, Thirteen, and Taub."

Joseph was impressed, "This seems like a mighty fine department you have here."

Cuddy spoke up, feeling more comfortable taking the conversation into her own hands, "Thank-"

"Wait a minute," House interrupted.

She shot him a menacing glace, "House-"

"No, wait. Joseph? That's your name? Look at me, dead in the eye."

Cuddy closed her eyes in an attempt to calm herself, "House, we've still got a lot of ground to cover."

"Would you shut up?" He asked, harshly. "Foreman," He called, motioning the doctor to step forward. "You're a neurologist; take a look and tell me what you see."

Foreman came forward and stared into Joseph's eyes, observing all the discrepancies between his eyes and those of a normal person. "Sunken in eyes, constricted pupils, and a sheet of sweat on only one side of the face," He sounded off. He took one final look then asked, "Sir, have you ever had a stroke?"

Joseph jumped back, alarmed, "No. Oh my God, what's going on?"

Amidst the panic, House said calmly, "I want a brain biopsy."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and glared at him, "House, this better not be one of you stupid games-"

"Cuddy," He said sternly, silencing her. "It isn't...Mr. Freyman could have a brain tumor. So, biopsy or not?"

Her breath caught in her throat momentarily but then, "Do what you have to."

[H][H][H][H][H][H]

It was late that night at Princeton-Plainsboro when Gregory House strolled proudly into Lisa Cuddy's office. She stopped signing papers to glance up and see him standing there, a proud smirk fully in place after he and his team diagnosed a tumor in Joseph's brain.

Sighing, Cuddy threw a paper into the trashcan and addressed him, "Any reason why you're here, other than to gloat?"

House shook his head, "No, just to gloat."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair, "Out of all the departments...all we have to offer...diagnostics was there favorite."

"Probably because we saved your buddy Joe from stroking out, not because I'm charming or anything," House replied, folding his arms across his chest.

Rolling her eyes at him, Cuddy protested, "No, that couldn't be it. _Has_ to be the first one."

House changed his position again and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his cane. "So, how'd I do, mom?" He asked sweetly.

"They want to donate under the one condition that a large lump sum goes to your department."

House shrugged happily, "Sounds like a raise to me."

Her head snapped up and she met his eyes, "Not a chance."

"Oh _come on._ I deserve _something._"

"Not a raise," She said.

"Congratulatory sex?"

"Nope."

"Reduced clinic hours?"

"Nope."

"My God, woman. You're so hard to please."

Cuddy set down her pen and looked him square in the eyes, "You want a reward?"

"Don't you think I'm the slightest bit deserving of one?" He shot back, his tone sarcastic.

She titled her head in thought, then said, "How about...the satisfaction of knowing that you did something good?"

House rolled his eyes and shook his head, "I get that every time someone in my care doesn't die."

"Okay...well," She thought for a moment. "How about knowing that you saw how much this meant to me, so you backed off, and I greatly appreciate it?"

House scoffed, "Are you sure about the whole 'no sex' thing?"

Giving up, Cuddy shook her head and returned to her work. "Go home, House."

He straightened his posture and shook his head at her, "With pleasure."

Before he could turn away completely, Cuddy looked up from her desk again. She felt compelled to thank him after his performance today. She hadn't had much faith in him for the entire day, but he came through in his own special way. "Whatever you want to call it," She started. "Whether it was being considerate, selfless, or maybe even _slightly_ human: thank you for being whatever that was today. The hospital appreciates it, and so do I."

House smiled warmly, "You're welcome."

Cuddy sat in shock for a few moments. She'd actually gotten away with thanking him without receiving some scornful, or mocking remark in response. Satisfied with the conversation, she simply said, "Goodnight, House."

He nodded once, "Goodnight Cuddy."

She thought he had left, but he had stopped at the door. "By the way," He began. She looked up at him, expectantly. "I didn't come in here to gloat. Whenever you were yelling at me-"

"Sternly talking," She corrected.

"Whenever you were 'sternly talking,' I was staring at your boobs, and I never got the chance to tell you how great they look in that top." He had a shit-eating grin now. Cuddy had expected nothing less.

"And that's supposed to flatter me?" She asked, incredulously.

"No, the fact that they got the hospital a donation is supposed to flatter you," House corrected.

Cuddy shook her head and chuckled, "Don't be ridiculous. Not all men are as obsessed with breasts as you are."

"So why did David leave this?" House asked as he pulled a small scrap of paper from his coat pocket. He dangled the paper in front of his face as if he were tempting a cat with a toy.

"What the hell is that?"

He examined the piece of paper, "Looks like a name and a phone number...either it's a really shitty business card, or he wants to take you out." House limped over to her desk and tossed her the paper.

Cuddy eyed it, scrutinizing it, "Maybe it's not because of my breasts. Maybe I'm actually _charming?_"

"Hmm...well, you _are _a doctor, have a sexy body, and you're controlling...the only charming thing about that is your body or your wallet," House retorted.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" Cuddy asked in the most monotone voice she could manage. "You're calling me good looking and successful while indirectly telling me that I'm not charming..."

House sighed, "Doesn't matter what I'm trying to say. David is a creep. Just trying to keep you from getting hurt-"

Cuddy handed him David's number, "Rip up the piece of paper, House."

He took it from her, "Sure you don't want the number?"

"Positive."

House shoved the paper into his pocket. Silence settled between the two of them before he asked, "You gonna be here all night?"

"No," she answered, not looking up from her desk. "I just have to finish up a few things and then I'm out."

"All right. Goodnight, Cuddy," he said, turning towards the door.

"Goodnight, House."

He stopped at the door and turned around, "By the way, you are charming...and I don't mean your body or your wallet."

His comment surprised her at first, but she tried to conceal it with a simple "thank you."

"Wanna go to dinner?" He asked.

She shuffled through a few papers, "Not particularly."

"You want my number?"

She tossed papers into her trash bin, "Already have it."

"Right...goodnight."

Cuddy looked up from her desk and smiled, "Go home, House. I'll see you tomorrow."

Even long after Gregory House had left her office smiling that charming smile of his, Cuddy found herself grinning as well. Charming? She didn't question it; she just smiled to herself and finished up her work.


End file.
